Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
