my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
