Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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