i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
