If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
