When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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