I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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