there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
