worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My vagina just recognized that song.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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