she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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