Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
