Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Green mimosas i think yes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
