Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
