I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
