The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
