you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
