Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
