I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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