who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
