Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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