Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
