Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
