Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
