last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
