I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
