And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
