you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i think im in europe. pls send help
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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