Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
