My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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