i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
