it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize