Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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