Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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