Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
