dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
