I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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