You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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