maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
