Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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