The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
