the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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