I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
