I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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