reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
