I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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