Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
