Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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