Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
