I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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