I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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