Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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