So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
