A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
