New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When are your genitals available?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
