The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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