I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize