Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
