you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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