And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize