is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
