oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
