dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
