he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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