farters have to be the big spoon...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
