If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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