so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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