If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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