ugly people sure do ruin things
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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