Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
false alarm, still single
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
