His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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