the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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