is your mom at the bar?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
